


21

by fireiscatching



Category: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-11-15
Updated: 2012-04-10
Packaged: 2017-10-26 02:32:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/277688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireiscatching/pseuds/fireiscatching
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Series of oneshots about Katniss and Peeta's relationship. Takes place in different time periods. Rated M for language and my own personal paranoia.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Great job, you two. Just keep it up in the district until the cameras are gone. We should be okay.”

Haymitch’s statement throws me for a loop. “What’s he mean?” I ask Katniss.

“It’s the Capitol. They didn’t like our stunt with the berries,” she blurts out.

Now I’m even more confused. “What? What are you talking about?”

“It seemed too rebellious,” she says. “So, Haymitch’s been coaching me through the last few days. So I didn’t make it worse.”

“Coaching you? But not me,” I say. Why would he need to coach her and not me?

“He knew you were smart enough to get it right,” Katniss admits.

My heart sinks into my stomach and my mouth starts to feel dry. She can’t mean...  
 “I didn’t know there was anything to get right,” I say. “So, what you’re saying is these last few days and then I guess... back in the arena...that was just some strategy you two worked out.”

“No. I mean, I couldn’t even talk to him in the arena, could I?” she says desperately.

If she thinks she’s going to get out of this one easy, she’s wrong. “But you knew what he wanted you to do, didn’t you?” I ask.

Katniss bites her lip, cluing me in that I’ve guessed correctly. I give her the chance to say otherwise, however.

“Katniss?”

When I realize that the gnawing feeling in my gut that’s telling me she doesn’t love me is right, I drop her hand and say “It was all for the games. How you acted.”

“Not all of it,” she says.

“Then how much?” I demand, growing more angry and heartbroken by the second. I sigh then, saying “No, forget that. I guess the real question is what’s going to be left when we get home?”

It takes Katniss a moment to answer my question. Her gray eyes fix steadily on my own, as if daring me to look away under their penetrating stare.

“I don’t know.The closer we get to District Twelve the more confused I get.”

I’m struck dumb as the words leave her mouth. I wait for her to say something else, something more to crush my heart, but nothing else is said.

“Well, let me know when you work it out,” I tell her, the pain in my voice completely obvious. Without another word, I turn on my heel and disappear into my bedroom.

My conversation with Katniss keeps replaying over and over in my head. I can’t believe that we’ve been living a lie these past few weeks. Everything she said, everything she did, was so real. So wonderfully, insanely real. I can’t wrap my head around the fact that she doesn’t love me the way that I love her after the arena.

I should have known. I should have known that the two of us would never be together. I should have known that someone like Katniss would never want a guy like me. I should have known that she could never love me, never open up the room in her heart for me like she’s opened it up for Gale.

Gale Hawthorne. The cause of practically all of my girl problems since age twelve. How was I ever supposed to compete with his windswept black hair, piercing grey eyes and lean physique the girls gushed about? Why did I ever think that Katniss would even consider being with me when she could have someone like him?  I know that she denies dating him and refutes claims that they’re in love, but I know it’s not true. I see the way he looks at her. It’s definitely not how big brothers look at their little sisters, either. He’s got it bad for her. Then again, who doesn’t these days? I don’t think a single man in Panem could deny how beautiful she looked on the night of the interviews.

I remember her shining gray eyes, her sweet nose, her full lips, painted a flaming red, her angular and feminine cheekbones, her shiny raven-colored hair. I remember my breath catching in my throat at the sight of her in her dress, the way the warm colors clung to her body and enhanced her already lovely features. She looked amazing and wonderful and just so beautiful.

Shaking my head, I look over at the alarm clock next to my bed. It reads 4:47. I flop back down onto my pillows, willing my weary mind to go to sleep. I just want to rest, but Katniss won’t leave me alone. As usual.

On one hand, I know that I should be easier on her. I’ve loved her since I was five, but she’s just now getting to know me and I shouldn’t really have expected her to feel the same way about me after just a few weeks.

On the other hand, I can’t help but be furious with her. I just can’t believe that she strung me along like that, and then left me high and dry when we both made it out of the games alive.

Although I don’t want my thoughts to wander there, I keep thinking of the little family I’ve dreamed up in my head. The family Katniss and I created. We would have two children-one boy and one girl-who would be just as lovely and gorgeous as their mother. We would live in a sweet little house wherever we pleased, simply being together and just living a peaceful life. Katniss would teach the kids to hunt and I would teach them to bake and paint. The four of us could live a life free of all the bad things, with no threats of the games and no one from the Capitol breathing down our necks. We could just...be.

But we’ll never be. Not Katniss and I. Not now.

Even though I’ve known this for hours now, it still stings just as badly as it did when Katniss told me she didn’t love me. It stings knowing that she just played along to keep us alive, not because she loved me. It stings knowing that her heart belongs to someone else. It stings knowing that the girl that I’ve loved for forever doesn’t and probably won’t ever love me back. Most of all, though, it stings because we could have had it all.

I could have made Katniss the happiest girl in the world. Even with the games, I know that I could have made her fall in love with me. I could have made her happy again. I could have made her smile those gorgeous smiles that so rarely appear on her face. I could have made her melodic laugh float out of her mouth on a daily basis. I could have, but now I can’t.

It seems cruel to think of these things now. My mind seems to want to torture me with visions of our family. Of our happy future, the one that we’ll never get because of the Capitol.

Where is that girl I met so many years ago? The one with the two little braids and a gap-toothed smile and a voice that silenced all the birds? She’s under there somewhere, but the games and the threat of losing everyone she loves loom so close that Katniss doesn’t allow that little girl to come out anymore.

I roll over on my side, trying to let sleep overcome me and pull me under. But as soon as I shut my tired eyes, Katniss’ face is on the other side of my eyelids, staring straight at me. It’s like her face is tattooed into my mind; I can’t ever get her out of my head.

No matter how hard I try, I just can’t get over Katniss Everdeen. Even now, when she’s ripped my heart into a thousand little pieces, I’m still hopelessly in love with her. And I always will love her. Even if she never loves me the way I love her, I know that I will never, never stop loving Katniss. I will forever be hers, forever be whoever she needs me to be in her life, even if that’s no one at all.

Some say that’s foolish.

I say that’s love.

That’s my love for Katniss.

I’ll never leave her side as long as she’ll let me stay by her. I’ll never let anyone or anything hurt her again. I’ll be the man she lost in her life, the one she trusted, respected and loved more than anything if she’ll let me.

I want to be different than the other people in her life. Katniss needs someone to take care of her, and love her, and just be with her. She needs someone to make her feel good, someone to make her feel safe and protected.

I want to be that someone.

And I will be. I will be that someone for Katniss, even though she’s broken my heart. Even though she’s quit on me, I’m not about to quit on her. I’ll fight with her and for her until the very end; always.

Just because she doesn’t love me like I love her doesn’t mean she can’t still have it all.


	2. Rumour Has It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when Katniss finds about some nasty rumors and catches a cheater? Will she do what's right or get revenge?
> 
> Rated T because I'm super paranoid.
> 
> Warning: Katniss is OOC, I don't see her doing either of the things she does in this fic.
> 
> Titled Rumour Has It after the track on Adele's album, in the story, word will be spelled 'rumor'.

The walk to the woods is extraordinarily chilly this morning.

October’s cool air is all around the district, making the ever present coal dust seem more imposing and suffocating than when the air is still. I pull my thin coat tighter across my chest, reveling in the little warmth that it provides. District Twelve’s early morning air threatens to stop me from slipping under the electric fence and hunting for my mother and little sister, Primrose. Nevertheless, I pause by the fence, listening for the electric current and slide under anyway, wanting my family to be well fed and cared for tonight.

After I’m on the other side of the fence, I walk over to the log where I keep my best bow and sheath of arrows. These were my father’s, and they’re incredibly important to me. I pull them out and sling the arrows over my shoulder, ready to hunt.

I silently glide across the forest floor, not wanting to disturb any animals that could be lurking around. The more noise I make, the less food I can bring home for Prim and my mother.

A sudden, sharp rustle of leaves makes me whirl around with my bow in hand, poised for attack on the unsuspecting animal. However, the animal that I find standing before me is not one that I can shoot for dinner.

This animal’s name is Gale Hawthorne.

Gale and I had been best friends since I was twelve and he was fourteen. Our first meeting in the woods had been the start of a wonderful and fulfilling relationship for both of us. I could tell Gale anything, could trust him with my life. He could count on me, and I could count on him. Both of us had families that needed taking care of and we each helped the other’s family out greatly.

Everything changed between us one day in the forest.

It was a cool spring morning. Gale was waiting for me on the rock where we always meet. This alone puzzled me-Gale is hardly ever early. When he saw me approach, a huge grin spread over his face. This was slightly unusual as well since Gale doesn’t smile much, even in the woods. Nevertheless, I grinned back in greeting as I closed in on our clearing. Before I could fully register what was happening, Gale quickly stood up from his seat on the rock, closed the distance between us, and kissed me.

His action was so sudden that I couldn’t do anything but stand still in his arms. Gale kept his lips firmly on mine, willing me to kiss him back. My lips eventually became pliant with his, but when he pulled away, I realized what we had done. I didn’t have time for love or romantic relationships-I had a family to feed.

I didn’t see Gale until the next Sunday, his day off from the mines. I was uncertain about where our friendship (or more than friendship) was going to go from this point, but Gale answered my questions. He told me that he loved me, and his sweet words flew out of my mouth almost instantaneously. It was a reflex, a deflection. I loved Gale, but not in the same way that he loved me.

Or so I thought.

As our relationship progressed, I realized that I did have romantic feelings for Gale. It was clear that he felt the same way about me, and I was thrilled. He made me feel so good, just as good, if not better, than when my father was alive. Gale made me a different person.

Then, my world spun on its axis again.

I had been in the square picking up a few medicinal supplies for my mother’s apothecary business. The evening was warm and a slight breeze was blowing about, subtly swirling up the dark coal dust lurking around the district. I was about to leave the marketplace when I saw a flash of familiar blonde hair and an even more familiar laugh.

It was Gale and Madge Undersee, the Mayor’s daughter, fooling around in a dingy alleyway near the supply shop I had just walked out of. Gale had his hands on the small of Madge’s back, grasping the powder blue fabric of her expensive blouse in his fingers. Madge’s hands were tangled in Gale’s shoulder length black hair, pulling his face closer to hers.

In short, it was one of my worst nightmares.

I scolded myself for being so stupid. How stupid was I to believe that the great Gale Hawthorne could ever love me? How stupid was I to think that just because he said he loved me that he meant it?

Attempting to walk away unnoticed, I put my head down and bit my lip in an effort to keep from attracting attention, but I was unsuccessful. A noise of hurt and indignation escaped my lips. My head snapped up and I could hear Gale gasp- he knew I had caught him kissing Madge.

“Catnip-” he began.

“Save it, Gale,” I cut in. Without another word, I left the square and took off towards the Seam as fast as my feet would carry me.

However, fate was not on my side that night. As I was leaving the square for my quaint little home in the Seam, I ran straight into none other than Peeta Mellark, the baker’s youngest son.

I inwardly cursed my rotten luck. Of all people to run into, it just had to be him!

“I-I’m sorry,” Peeta stuttered. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, thank you,” I replied rather stiffly.

Peeta’s stunning blue eyes turned soft as he looked me over.

“Are you sure, Katniss?” he asked, his voice full of concern. “You don’t look like you’re fine.”

My eyes unwillingly filled with tears that threatened to spill over. I looked down so that he wouldn’t be able to see my tears, but my movement was too slow for Peeta. He had seen the pain that lied beneath my eyes.

“Come on, Katniss.”

“Peeta, I’m-I’m fine. I need to get home to my family. They need me. I have to take care of them.”

“No, Katniss. They’re alright. You’re the one who needs some taking care of.”

His words could have been unkind, but the voice in which he spoke them with was so powerful and captivating that I found myself absolutely unoffended and enchanted by them. I let him take me by the hand and allowed him to lead me to the bakery where he lived with his family.

I don’t know what came over me that night. Peeta and I had only had one real interaction years ago when he gave me the burnt bread. We were the same level in school and we were acquaintances, but we had not exchanged anything more than simple pleasantries. Something in me snapped, and allowed me to trust Peeta.

When we reached his house, he guided me to a small table while fixing a steaming pot of tea. Peeta came over to the table a few moments later with a plate of small butter cookies and the tea. I wrapped my hands around the delicate cup and quietly thanked him.

We talked well into the night. I found myself pouring out the details of my complicated relationship with Gale to him. Peeta was an attentive listener, and I was thankful for it. After I poured out almost six years of my life story to this kind young baker’s son, I stood quickly to leave. I had worn out my welcome and truly needed to return to my mother and Prim.

“Wait,” Peeta said, grabbing my hand. “Do you...do you think we could...do this again sometime?”

I smiled for the first time that night at his words. “I think we could,” I reply.

Not long after that, Peeta and I began to meet frequently. He was one of the nicest people I had ever met, and we got along well. Over the course of a few months, our relationship grew into something stronger than I had ever expected. I realized that I had feelings for him, feelings that I hadn’t felt for anyone since I’d gone out with Gale.

At first, I tried to deny them. I was acting like one of the town girls that I resented so much, pining after boys like this. I told myself that this was ridiculous, that Peeta and I would never be anything beyond what we were.

I was wrong.

I really need to learn to see these relationship things coming.

Peeta had invited me over to his family’s bakery to learn how to properly bake bread. I had explained to Peeta that I could never get mine to turn out quite right, and so he offered to teach me. I gladly accepted and we arranged to meet in a few days.

When we met up, it was a cool fall Saturday, and I brought some of the breeze into the Mellark bakery as I entered the room and shut the door. As if on cue, Peeta came out from the back, wiping his hands on a dishtowel.   
“Hey, Katniss,” he said cheerfully.

“Hi, Peeta,” I replied, sliding off my coat and placing it on the back of a small stool behind the counter.

“Ready to start? I have all the ingredients laid out for us.”

He seemed so genuinely excited to show me this part of his life that I couldn’t help but smile.

“I’m definitely ready.”

We worked hard then, mixing ingredients, rolling the dough, making it just right for baking the perfect loaf of bread.

After we finished, Peeta carefully placed the loaves in the oven and shut the door.

“Good work, Katniss,” Peeta praised me with a smile.

“I learned from the best,” I said slightly sheepishly.

He smiled again and leaned in a little closer. I didn’t make any move to shy away like I would have in the past. Peeta’s smile slowly slid off of his face as he stepped even closer to me.

“Katniss...” he whispered my name before closing the distance between us with his lips.

I was shocked at first, but my lips soon become pliant with his, moving of their own accord. I was the first to pull away, slightly red in the face and utterly confused.

“Peeta, I-”

“I’m sorry, Katniss. I-I shouldn’t have done that.” Peeta looked down at his feet like a little schoolboy, clearly mortified and sincerely sorry for his action. I, however, had different ideas.

“Why are you sorry?” I ask him. He had no reason whatsoever to feel bad, unless...

“Why am I sorry? It wasn’t fair for me to do that to you while you’re...unavailable.”

“Unavailable? If you haven’t noticed, Gale and I aren’t going out anymore,” I said, getting angry. I wanted Peeta to see that I wanted to be with him too. “Unless you believe those rumors,” I say.

Rumors about Gale and I seem to follow me everywhere, but after the last few months of my strengthening friendship with Peeta I couldn’t believe that he would think something like that was true.

“Peeta, I’m not like that. Gale is with Madge now, and I’m single. I’m not going to waste my time with him...especially now,” I say confidently.

“I know, I know, I just...it doesn’t feel right. I can’t do that to him, no matter how dishonest he’s been. I want to be with you, Katniss, truly. It’s all I want, but I-”

“You’re too good, you know that?” I cut him off. It was true. Peeta was the nicest guy I knew, even when it came to dealing with people who deserved to be hurt.

Peeta just smiled at me as I leaned into him for another kiss.

As we broke apart, he said, “I don’t believe them. The rumors. I know what a great girl you are, Katniss. I know there’s no truth to what people spread around.”

We both agreed to keep our relationship quiet for now until I could work out things with Gale. I left the bakery feeling practically weightless, if only for a little while.

Things haven’t been the same between Gale and I since then. We have both meticulously avoided each other, but it seems that he wants to talk today. I don’t want to speak with him, but the sooner I can get rid of him the better.

“Gale.” I nod to him, lowering my bow.

“Katniss,” he says seriously. “We need to talk.”

“What is there to talk about, really?” I say, my temper flaring up.

“What happened between Madge and I...I didn’t mean for it to happen. It was a mistake.”

“A mistake?”

“Yes. I was delivering strawberries to the Mayor and Madge answered the door. She came onto me and things just...got out of control.”

“Things got out of control?”

“Yeah. I’m being honest, Katniss. This wasn’t meant to happen.”

“If it wasn’t meant to happen then why did you go along with it?”

Gale hangs his head in shame. “I...I don’t know. I’m sorry.” He raises his head again and his steely grey eyes meet mine. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Katniss. That was never my intention.” He moves closer to me and takes my hands. “I don’t want you to think that I love Madge. I don’t. I love you.”

Gale’s statement floors me. After spending weeks on end with the mayor’s daughter I was certain that he was in love with her. He appeared to be smitten with the blushing blonde whenever I saw them together. However, their relationship must not have been as wonderful as it seemed for Gale to tell me that he loves me.

I know that I really only have two options: the first is to believe Gale and reenter a relationship with him, and the second is to completely shut him out of my life. I want to believe Gale, my hunting partner, my best friend, but I’m just not sure that I can trust him.

I’m aware that Gale is waiting on my answer. I look into his eyes for a moment and suddenly a wicked grin spreads over my face. I have a plan.

“Really?” I ask Gale.

“Really, Catnip,” he replies.

I hug Gale, and his arms wrap enthusiastically back around me. I don’t buy Gale’s story, but he doesn’t have to know that.

“I love you,” he says again.

“I love you, too,” I lie. I’m not capable of loving Gale, truly loving him anymore.  
We stand there for a few more moments, locked in a tight embrace. It makes me feel slightly guilty for what I’m planning to do to him, but then I remember that night months ago when I caught him with Madge, when I met Peeta.

We begin hunting for real now, falling back into our normal pattern- him watching my back and I watching his. This feels good, normal.

Of course, it can’t be totally normal. Nothing is for me anymore.

“Catnip?”

“Hmm?”

“Is...is there...”

“Is there...”

“You love me, right?” he says out of the blue.

“Of course,” I say without missing a beat.

“And you’d tell me if...if you were dating someone?”

I raise an eyebrow questioningly at him.

“Gale, what is this all about? I was single before you just asked me to be your girlfriend again, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Okay. I just...heard...some things floating around about you and the baker’s son, and I just needed to know for myself if they were true.”

“Of course not,” I say.   Gale smiles, and for a moment I feel guilty again for lying to him, for the awful plan I’m orchestrating in my head, but I shake it off and return to the normal hunting pattern I’ve come to love.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
The walk to the woods is extraordinarily chilly this morning.

December’s cool air is all around the district, making the ever present coal dust seem more imposing and suffocating than when the air is still. I pull my thin coat tighter across my chest, reveling in the little warmth that it provides. District Twelve’s early morning air threatens to stop me from slipping under the electric fence and going through with my brilliant plan.

After I’m on the other side of the fence, I walk over to the log where I keep my best bow and sheath of arrows. These were my father’s, and they’re incredibly important to me. I pull them out and sling the arrows over my shoulder, ready to put my plan into action.

I take out a small slip of paper that I meticulously wrote earlier on this morning. I pull out an arrow, attach the paper to it, and shoot it right into the large oak tree near the rock Gale and I always meet at.

Now all I have to do is wait. If this crazy scheme really works, Gale will finally get just what he deserves. Rumors of me dating Peeta are still floating around, and today is the perfect time to reveal the truth to those rumors.

Satisfied with my work, I take off from the clearing and slip back under the fence, hurrying towards my small home in the Seam. Once I reached the dingy little house, I rushed in and put on a nice powder blue blouse and white skirt. It was something I would never normally wear, but today was different. Today wasn’t normal.

I head for the square as quickly as I can. I’m meeting Peeta here to execute the rest of my plan, and I don’t want to be late. This is the most crucial part of my scheme, and it can’t go wrong. Luckily I’ll have Peeta there to help me go through with this.

Once I reach the square, I search for Peeta and his distinctive blonde curls. We agreed to meet here early to carry out the first part of the plan. However, the sky shows me it won’t be long before Gale gets to the woods and finds my note, and I’m starting to become fearful that Peeta won’t make it on time.

Just as soon as I think this, I feel a strong pair of arms encase my waist from behind. They make me jump until I look at them and realize that it’s only Peeta. He laughs and places a kiss on my neck, making me smile. He turns me around in his arms and looks into my eyes.

“Are you ready for this, Katniss? You don’t have to do this unless you-”

“I’m ready, Peeta.”

He smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. I know that he still feels slightly guilty for hurting Gale like this, but I’m determined to follow through. I gently raise my hand to the small crease between his eyebrows and stroke it with my thumb, attempting to smooth it out and rid him of his worries.

“It’ll be fine, Peeta,” I reassure him.

“I just don’t want you to lose him here, Katniss,” he says. “Gale has been your best friend for years-are you sure you want to let that go?”

I bite my lip. Blinded by my anger, I hadn’t seen the cons of this plan. However, Gale hurt me, and I’m not about to let that slide. It’s time for me to show him how I felt all those months ago.

“I’m sure, Peeta,” I reply. “I’ve got you. What more could I need?”

Now a real smile lights up his face and stunning eyes.

“Come here,” he says, pulling me to him. We stare into one another’s eyes for a moment and, not being able to hold back any longer, I stand up on my tiptoes to meet his lips. He kisses me eagerly and sweetly, and I kiss him just as happily. This kiss reassures me that I am making the right decision even though I might lose Gale in the process.

“Let’s take this over here,” Peeta says. I turn my head to see the small supply shop I had caught Gale and Madge behind. I smirk and extract myself from his arms, leading him over into the alley.

I guide Peeta into the exact spot where Gale was standing when he made out with Madge. He obeys my order and gathers me into his strong arms again. He grabs the soft fabric of my blouse between his fingers, and I place my hands in his blonde waves, pulling him closer. We kiss again, more passionately this time. I’m lost in Peeta’s kiss before a sharp intake of breath breaks us apart.

“Katniss...”

Gale has found Peeta and I.

I turn to face Gale, a wicked smile adorning my face.

“I...I thought...” he stammers, unable to believe what he’s just seen.

“Just because I said it doesn’t mean that I meant it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm terribly sorry this has taken me so long to post! I've had an awful amount of writers block. However, I'm back and I plan to release some fun new things soon. Look out for the new chapter of this story, Turning Tables soon!
> 
> Thank you all SO much for reading!


	3. Turning Tables

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Playing with Peeta's hijacking here. Some details will be the same, others not. 
> 
> This oneshot is rated T for language.

“Did you think you were ever going to be good enough? Did you, you worthless mutt? I’d never love you, never. You can go back to Gale now. Go anywhere, I don’t give a shit. Just get out of here.”

“Peeta, I...” 

“NO! GET OUT!”

“Please, Peeta, please...”

“GODDAMNIT KATNISS! LEAVE!”

“No! Peeta, you don’t understand! I love-”

Before I could finish, Peeta leaped out of his bed and crossed the small room with a few large strides, wrapping his large hands around my throat.

The words Peeta spoke to me earlier flash through my mind. He had just returned from his capture in the Capitol, and upon my first time seeing him again, had attempted to strangle me.

In short, it had been of the worst days of my life.

Just when I find out that I’m really in love with Peeta, just when I realize that he is all that I need, all that I want, the man I can’t ever hope to live without, he tries to kill me.

The odds are never in my favor. 

I sigh and clamber into my bed opposite Prim and my mother, trying not to wake them. It’s late-I don’t want them to get up on account of my being unable to rest.

Sleep does not come easily for me tonight. Every time I close my eyes, the scene in the hospital wing flashes through my mind. I can feel Peeta’s harsh words cut into my heart like tiny knives, feel his cold hands wrapping themselves around my throat, attempting to take my life.

I can’t stop my tears from falling now. They come cascading down my cheeks quicker than I’d like to admit. I’m barely able to turn my face into my pillow to muffle the sounds of my sobs before they come. 

I’m a mess. Peeta’s taken my fragile heart and crushed it right before my eyes. He had become my world, but now he’d broken it. 

* * *   
The September morning air surrounding District Twelve was cool. I was on my way to the woods, hoping that returning to my beloved woods would offer me some escape from the nightmares constantly plaguing me.

I didn’t make it five minutes before I heard a voice, one I thought I’d never hear again.

“Katniss.”

It’s Peeta. My boy with the bread. My enemy. My love.

I turned around to face him. “Peeta. I...didn’t know you were coming back.”

He sighed softly and stared at the ground, seeming to not have a clue as to what to say for once.

“I had to. District Twelve..It’s not much, but it’s home. I couldn’t leave.”

I nodded, knowing precisely how he felt. I had been reluctant to come back as well. However, once I got here, I was glad I’d decided to return. The district would never be the same again, but that was okay. It was home.

After a couple of moments of tense silence, the both of us spoke up.

“Peeta-”

“Katniss-”

A small smile started to creep onto my face, and I could see Peeta fighting one as well. We stared at one another for a few more seconds before bursting out laughing. 

When we caught our breath, Peeta’s face became stony and serious. 

“Katniss, I just wanted to apologize. What’s gone on between us these past few years has been...absolutely insane. We’ve both hurt each other, and I needed you to know how sorry I am. I hope that you and I can...can be friends again someday.”

There he went again, melting my heart with his sweet words. I didn’t know whether to believe him or not-I had no clue as to whether the tracker jacker venom was all gone- but I did anyway.

“Of course, Peeta. I’m sorry for all the times I’ve hurt you, too,” I said honestly. I had hurt this boy more times that I can count, and yet he still came back. He still came back for me.

He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around me.   “So...friends?” he asked me.  “Friends,” I replied, returning his hug.

Maybe this is real, I thought. Maybe my boy with the bread is really back.

* * * 

I wake up to the sound of glass breaking downstairs. I’m puzzled for a moment-what could be going on?- but then I remember.

Peeta. He’d had a violent flashback yesterday afternoon, and it must be back. 

I jump out of bed and run downstairs, curious as to what Peeta was doing.

“Peeta?” I ask. “What...what’s going on?”

He turns around to glare at me, his bright blue eyes darkening. In his hand is a letter, but I can’t quite make out who it’s for or what it contains.

“This came in the mail this morning,” he said, his voice dangerously quiet. 

“What is it?” I ask tentatively.

“This-” he steps closer toward me, thrusting the letter into my face. “This is a letter from Gale Hawthorne.”

My eyes widened. Gale? What was Gale doing writing to me? According to the television, Gale was still working as an accomplished reporter in District Two, enjoying his comfortable life.

“Gale?” I asked incredulously.

Peeta’s mouth twisted into a menacing smirk. “Yes, Gale. Your beloved hunting partner. The one who you can’t survive without. The one who constantly occupies your thoughts. The one who could never love you. The one who was the only damn person with a half of a brain because he left. He left you. He hates you, just like i do. That’s what this letter is, Katniss. It’s saying how much he hates your fucking guts. He wants to never see you again. He wishes you were dead.”

Tears jumped to my eyes at Peeta’s words. 

“Peeta-”

“No, Katniss! Didn’t we both agree that we were past this? This...this fucking around with one another? You told me that you were over Gale. That you didn’t love him anymore. You said hat he was like your older brother! Why did you lie to me? Why didn’t you tell me how you really felt? Why didn’t you just fall into his arms after the games like you wanted to? Why do you keep stringing me along?”

My mouth falls open with rage. 

“How dare you,” I start. “How dare you think that I would just leave like this. How dare you think that Gale has less-than-honorable intentions at this point in our lives. How dare you accuse me of fucking around when that’s all you’ve done to me since the rebellion ended! How dare you talk to me like you...like you own me!”

We stand apart from each other for a brief moment before Peeta reaches out and forcefully grabs my shoulders, pushing me against the cabinet to the right. 

“What is your problem?” I shout, enraged. Peeta hasn’t resorted to physical violence since that first night in the hospital wing in District Thirteen. 

“My problem is that you have something going on with Gale behind my back.”

“But i don’t! Peeta I swear that I don’t. You have to believe me.”

“I have to? I have to believe you Katniss? Why should I? Why should I believe you, huh? You lied to me all those times during the games, why should this be any different? Do you really expect me to believe that you’re not going to turn the tables on me again?”

“This is different, Peeta! This lie that you’ve thought up, these crazy accusations you have...they’re not real. Not real, Peeta,” I say, desperately hoping to calm him down. 

His hands release their forceful grip on my shoulders as his eyes return to their normal calm blue color. 

“Not real,” he repeats. “Not real...”

I nod quickly in agreement. “It’s not real, Peeta...I love you.”

Both of us have declared our love for one another, but I don’t say it to him quite as often as he says it to me, and I’m hoping that it’ll help him calm down from his episode.

It’s Peeta’s turn to start crying. He backs away from me slowly, as if he were afraid to touch me. 

“Not real...Katniss...” he looks at me, his face contorted with pain. “Maybe it’s best if we...if we-”

“I get it, Peeta,” I say, my voice catching slightly. I don’t want to leave.

“I’m going to catch the first train out in the morning and will check in as soon as I get there.”

Peeta’s eyes are sad, but he nods. This is the only safe option at this point-Peeta would never hurt me intentionally, but his flashbacks occur at random and he can’t control what he does while he’s having them. 

“Where are you going to go?” he asks softly.

I bite my lip for a moment before answering, not really knowing if I’m making the right decision. 

“District Two.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger. This will be expanded on in the next chapter, Don't You Remember!
> 
> I also want to apologize for this taking so atrociously long. I'll do my best to update this and Panem Idol very quickly.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


	4. Don't You Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of Turning Tables. 
> 
> What becomes of Katniss and Peeta's relationship when one of his flashbacks almost ends Katniss' life?
> 
> Rated T for themes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have a good excuse for this taking so long to upload. I've had a massive writer's block lately and have been atrociously busy with school. Sorry for the long wait! Hope you enjoy this.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!

“Catnip!”

The cool night air amplified Gale Hawthorne’s excited voice called out to me from thirty yards down the elaborate District Two train station. A small grin slipped onto my face as his came into view-he was genuinely happy to see me. 

“Hey Gale,” I replied. 

“How was your trip Catnip?” he asked. 

“Just fine, thanks. I really appreciate you letting me...visit. I wouldn’t have asked so suddenly but-”

“I know, Katniss,” Gale interrupts, detecting the sadness present in my voice. “You’re welcome here anytime.”

A real smile spreads across my cheeks at his words. Maybe all I had with Gale, my trusted hunting partner, my best friend, is not lost.

 

*******

“Are you sure you’ll be alright in here, Catnip?”

Gale hadn’t wasted any time in cooking a fabulous dinner for me and showing me to the elaborate room he’d set aside for me to stay in until things were safe back in District Twelve. 

District Twelve seemed farther away than ever before. I wanted to be at home, curled up on the couch in front of the fire with Peeta at my side.

But instead, I was 2000 miles away, in a cold house trying to cope with Peeta’s flashbacks and my own post-games problems.

“I’ll be fine, Gale. This is really gracious of you.”

He smiles at me. 

“I’ve got your back, Catnip,” he says. “You can always count on me.”

I smile and snuggle deeper into the plush covers of the bed. 

“Night, Gale.”

“Night,” he replies, softly turning the light off and closing the door to the guest bedroom.

I was relieved that he’d left me alone quickly-I wasn’t in the mood to deal with the burning questions I was sure Gale had for me. 

We were best friends, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let him back into my life with the snap of a finger.

Even considering the circumstances.

Especially considering the circumstances.

Thinking of home makes me cringe. I want to be back in District Twelve so badly it hurts. I need to be there. I need to be home, I need the familiar woods, I need to be with Peeta.

After the rebellion, I had been so sure that I’d never love again. I spent months cooped up in my house in Victor’s Village, not even daring to leave my bedroom most days. I wanted nothing to do with the outside world, and it wanted nothing to do with me.

When Peeta returned, it took months and months for both of us to come around to one another again. He and I had moved in together and were starting our relationship-a real one this time-when this latest flashback hit. 

Tears start to fall from my eyes as I think of my Peeta, sweet, sweet, Peeta. His smile, self-deprecating humor, his undying loyalty to me and his inexplicable love for me. 

It’s too much.

Why can’t he just remember? 

Why can’t he remember why his day got better whenever he saw me? 

Why can’t he remember the real, genuine moments we’ve shared and the memories we’ve made?

Why can’t he remember the reasons he loves me?

I bury my face into the fluffy pillow, hoping that Gale won’t be able to hear my sobs. I feel pathetic and horribly vapid for behaving this way, but the tears won’t stop flowing. Thinking of Peeta is opening up too many fragile wounds in my already insecure soul.

I wouldn’t have left unless it was completely necessary, but of course, that doesn’t make this any easier. That doesn’t make me feel any better about leaving.

Turning over onto my back, I let the tears trickle down my face as I let my exhausted body and mind succumb to sleep.

********  
“How is he, Haymitch?”  
The drunkard sighs heavily. 

“He’s...he’s...”   
“Out with it,” I say forcefully. It’s been two months since I’ve arrived in District Two, and I haven’t spoken to Peeta since I left Twelve. Haymitch has been calling periodically, but I’ve never felt up to speaking with him.

Until today. 

Today, everything changes.

Today, I find out what the future holds for Peeta and I.

Haymitch sighs.

I squeeze my eyes shut, afraid of the words that will likely come tumbling out of his mouth.

“He’s not doing well, sweetheart. Your absence isn’t doing anything for him.”

Tears prickle at the back of my eyes at Haymitch’s message. How could this be happening? How could I be losing my Peeta, my dandelion, my boy with the bread?   
 “The doctors, they...they don’t think that he can-”

“I get it, Haymitch,” I sharply cut across his words, not wanting to hear anymore. I know what he was going to say- he doesn’t need to make it anymore real.

*******  
The moon’s bright light filtered through the large picture window in the bedroom, its soft white luminescence beaming down on Peeta and I. The silken sheets are wrapped around us. My arms are wrapped around Peeta’s waist, and his hands rest lightly on my hips. Peeta kisses my bare shoulder softly, his lips barely brushing my skin. I sigh contentedly and smile. This moment, this man...they could not be more perfect.

“How did I get so lucky to have you?” Peeta whispers to me. 

I raise my eyebrow at him. “I should ask you the same question,” I say. “I’m the lucky one in this relationship.” I’m not saying these things because I feel like I should, or that I need to. I mean them. 

I just hope that Peeta knows this.

He smiles. “You still don’t know the effect you have on people, do you, Katniss?”

I smile, remembering the first time he told me that. “No,” I say. “I think I’ve figured it out.” I lean into him and kiss him on the lips. He eagerly returns my kiss, pulling my hips closer to his. Our kiss quickly becomes more passionate and forceful.   
I think I like it.

After a few moments, we both pull away, short of breath but incredibly, almost foolishly, happy.

Peeta kisses me on the forehead and looks into my eyes, asking me the question I’ve been dreading to answer.

“You love me, real or not real?”

I find that when the words pass his lips I’m not so afraid of them anymore. I realize that I’ve been stupid to fear them and find myself regretting not answering his question sooner.

“Real.”

*******

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t happy with Gale. 

He is the one of the most dedicated, loyal, loving and courageous men I’ve ever met. He’s very handsome. He is my best friend.

But he’s not the right man for me.

He’s not Peeta.

I miss my boy with the bread more and more with every passing day. I miss his sweet smiles, his smell, his kiss. I wish so much that he could be here with me, or that I could be with him.

I was too late. I was too late to save him, too late to rescue him from himself.

He can’t remember.

He won’t remember.

Oh, Peeta. Why don’t you remember?


End file.
